SYMPTOMS A continual complaint as to the need for names, dates and places. Patient has a blank expression, often deaf to spouse and children. Has no taste for work of any kind except feverishly looking through records at libraries and courthouses. Has compulsion to write letters, swears at the mailman when he doesn't leave mail. Frequents strange places such as cemeteries, ruins and remote desolate areas. Makes secret night calls. Hides phone bill from spouse. Mumbles to self and has a far away look in eyes.

NO KNOWN CURE!! TREATMENT Medication is useless. disease is not fatal
but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy meetings, subscribe to a magazine and be given a quiet corner in the house where they can be alone. The usual nature of this disease is that the sicker the patient gets the more they enjoy it

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past -but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine
is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew,and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already
used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....Remember about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up, or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Guy Murchie, in his book "The Seven Mysteries of Life" proves that we are all cousins. Murchie says,
"Although few people seem to realize it, man's relation to himself is fairly easy to measure and is surprisingly
close. In fact, no human being, of any race, can be less closely related to any other human being than approximately fiftieth cousin, and most of us are a lot closer. It means simply that the family tree of all of us, of whatever orgin or trait, must meet and merge into one genetic tree of all humanity by the time they have spread into our ancestries for about fifty generations."

"Just use simple mathematics, 2 parents equal 4 grandparents, equal 8 great-grandparents, 16 reat-great-grandparents, etc. The thirtieth power of two 1,073,741,824 is greater than was the earth's population thirty generations ago, in the thirteenth century; great than the world's population at that time.

"You cannot go on doubling your ancestors for more than a few generations into the past for inevitably the same ancestors will appear on both your father's and your mother's sides of the family tree, reducing the total number. This does not allow you to double the rate during that generation, and surely this would begin to happen more and more often as you go back in time. Spouses are not just spouses, they also become very distant cousins, not only related by marriage but also by "blood" because somewhere in the past they share ancestors."

10. You introduce your daughter as your descendent.

9. You've never met any of the people you send e-mail to,
even though you're related.

8. You can recite your lineage back eight generations, but can't remember
your nephew's name.

7. You have more photographs of dead people than living ones.

6. You've ever taken a tape recorder and/or notebook and/or laptop to a
family reunion.

5. You've not only read the latest GEDCOM standard, but also you understand it.

4. The local genealogy society borrows books from you.

3. The only film you've seen in the last year was the 1880 census index.

2. More than half of your CD collection is made up of marriage records or pedigrees.

1. Your elusive ancestor has been spotted in more different places than Elvis!
 

*When at last after much hard work you have solved the mystery you have been working
on for two years, your aunt says, "I could have told you that".

*Your grandmother's maiden name that you have searched for, for four years, was on a letter in a box in the attic all the time.

*You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren't
interested in genealogy then.

*The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

*Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

*John, son of Thomas, the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor,
died on board ship at age 10.

*Your great grandfather's newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

*The keeper of the vital records you need has just been insulted by a another genealogist.

*The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

*The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriff's sale for insolvency.

*The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead-end line has been lost due to fire, flood, or war.

*The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

*The spelling of your European ancestor's name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

*None of the pictures in your recently deceased grandmother's photo album have names
written on them.

*No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued, or was named in wills.

*You learn that your great aunt's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer "somewhere in New York City."

*Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

*The 37-volume, 16,000-page history of your county of origin isn't indexed.

*You finally find your great grandparent's wedding records and discover that the brides' father was named John Smith.

1. My family coat of arms ties at the back....is that normal?
2. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.
3. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
4. Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
5. My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.
6. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??
7. I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
8. I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.
9. I'm searching for myself; Have you seen me?
10. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
11. Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!
12. It's 2000... Do you know where your-Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?
13. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
14. A family tree can wither if nobody tends it's roots.
15. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
16. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.
17. Am I the only person up my tree... sure seems like it.
18. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.
19. Can a first cousin once removed..RETURN?
20. FLOOR:The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
21. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease, but I love it.
22. Genealogists are time unravelers.
23. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide...I seek!
24. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
26. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
27. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.
28. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!
29. I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days.
30. I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower.
31. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
32. Share your knowledge; it is a way to achieve immortality.
33. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
34. It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or thief.
35. Many a family tree needs pruning.
36. Shh! Be very, very quiet.... I'm hunting forebears.
37. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
38. That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
39. I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes.
40. Genealogists live in the past lane.
41. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
42. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
43. All right! Everybody out of the gene pool!
44. Always willing to share my ignorance...
45. Documentation... The hard part..
46. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
47. Genealogy...will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?
48. All the really important information is on that missing page
49. I researched my family tree...and apparently I don't exist!
50. SO MANY ANCESTORS...........................SO LITTLE TIME!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When your kids groan if you slow down near a cemetery.

When your favorite pastime is hanging around cemeteries.

When you start looking at the graffitti on the outhouse or bathroom walls for surnames!!!

When Santa Claus asks you what you want for Christmas and you give him a list of Death Certificates.

HO HO HO.......

10.   You talk about towns no one has ever heard of.

9.   You take a trip to Salt Lake City in winter and don't ski.

8.   You read EVERY Roots-L Posting.

7.   You never leave home without $4 in quarters.

6.   You call ATM's "stamp machines".

5.   You've memorized the counties, their seats, and their addresses for three states.

4.   You KNOW that people who have been dead for 200 years are laughing at you.

3.   You visit cemeteries carrying food and cosmetics.

2.   You check out office supply stores "just looking".

1.   You've changed computer programs three times this year.